Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
