JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she looked like the before picture.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize