I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I cockslap morals
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
