Even the bartender felt bad for me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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