So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
