Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
