Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
