I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he shaved USA in his pubs
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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