I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
