Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize