How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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