Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
