My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so let's talk penis.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Watching her eat just hurts me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
