I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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