i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
