i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
