her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
