did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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