Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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