oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize