I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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