On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
