i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
