She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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