I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
