I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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