So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
