I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
