I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
