I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
