I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
