Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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