I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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