apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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