lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
