I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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