Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
