Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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