Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
