Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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