so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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