Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
