you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This is the high leading the old right now
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
