Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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