The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think I sprained my soul last night
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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