he thought i was a dude.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
