i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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