i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
