Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
