The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
