3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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