I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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