He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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