Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize