You just made me feel so damn special
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
where am i from again
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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