I'm going to jail i love you
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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