Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
