Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize