My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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