Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
