i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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