I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
