i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize