Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
