He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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