so explain again why im purple
no
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
