my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
