Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My life is pants optional.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
