You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
