If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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