I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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