I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
