you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
