She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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