He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
