my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
