sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
