shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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