I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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