You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
