found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
