i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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