got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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