left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
