theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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