Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
