your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it's not cheating when I paid for it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize