First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
