I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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