got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
