it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize