My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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